But here is the thing; our move has not just been about a change in location. This has been about us choosing (prayerfully) a path that we feel is less travelled. One which we believe will take us in the direction we want to go and where we will end up where we want to be. We have given God permission to do things His way, in His timing and we have (for me, sometimes reluctantly) agreed to hand over all control fully to Him. Of course we have responsibility on our part and we do not take this lightly. But we have stuck up our hands and said: 'Here we are Lord. Use us!' And He will. And He is. But my oh my is He also teaching, moulding and training us. Let me now move from 'us' talk to 'me' talk. I can honestly say that in 36 years (16 of them as a Christian), I have never been as stretched in my faith as I am today. You see I chose not only to move house, change community and have family and friends further away but in doing all this I chose (and agreed to) shift our financial position, change my outlook on schooling, get comfortable with change, and get used to uncertainty and NOT BEING IN CONTROL. It is hard and it is scary. Harder in some ways than I thought. But I have already seen God move in ways that only He can; amazing ways!
My single biggest prayer before we moved (and still now) has been for God's will alone to be done. Not Sean's, not mine, God's. I said countless times that I would gladly look like a fool but I asked simply that if God wanted us to stay and not move that everything fall to pieces before the truck arrived to take our things and move our life. Amazing how I could pray so fervently for something and then miss the answer to prayer. And not only that, but feel grieved and disappointed when things have not turned out as I hoped or expected. Let me explain:
A Knife
Last week Friday was pay day. Usually I celebrate on this day as by this time there is often more month left than money. No celebrations this month. Sean got paid his last salary at the end of March. He has not worked in April and has been waiting to receive an offer of part time employment from his previous company. Nothing had come. No work, no pay. *Big gulp number 1*.
Despite around 500 views on Private Property and several other failed leads and attempts, our lovely Riverclub flat still sits empty. No rental income (which we are relying on to live off) and of course it means we need to cover the levy, rates and our own Eieknhof rental this month. *Gulp number 2*.
Now, perhaps, if I was outside looking in at The Kriges and their sticky situation I would have thought: 'If you were crazy (unwise/irresponsible) enough to make this move without having everything in place then why are you surprised?' and maybe even 'Get yourselves out of this mess (you heard wrong/ you left too much to God or chance)...'. And maybe I'd be justified in thinking this. But that would be putting a full stop where God has simply put a comma. Because despite our seemingly dismal circumstances, despite being on a knife's edge and unsure ourselves if we heard wrong/prayed too little/were unwise... God was not done. Sean and I prayed on Thursday night. I prayed (and cried) on Friday morning. And as only God can, He threw us a lifeline when we needed it!
A Fork
For us (or at least me), Thursday going into Friday found us at a fork in the road. We have moved. We are here. But we know that without financial provision, we are pretty stuck. Again I found myself praying that fool or not, God would just show us what He wants from us. If not here and this, then where and what? We prayed about our flat too. I have never before encountered such a closed door to something as I have with renting our flat out. I have blamed myself, questioned God and finally (slowly) accepted His way and His timing. This shut door has resulted in Sean and I taking a step back and asking if we are going in the wrong direction. It seems that God's complete silence in this regard has actually been a loud shout and an answer to my prayer of His will being done. We are looking into an alternative way to rent our flat out without us being tied down and although we will get out less rental, it comes with low/no risk and is long term. *Breathe in*. On Friday Sean also got paid out for his leave; a lot more than we though. *Breathe out*. Two lifelines that I so desperately needed and which gave me the strength to keep on keeping on.
A Dog Named Jake
On Saturday we camped in our friends' garden, on a plot, in Walkerville. It was such a special time for us as a family, with our boys and with friends. We have been looking around for a Jack Russell and a Staffie puppy (or young dog) to add to our family. On Sunday, we came home with Jake Krige II (aka Jake Jake), our new addition to the Krige family! A dog to catch snakes and rats, a playmate for the boys, a pair of alert ears at night, but for me especially, a whisper from God: 'You're okay, trust Me, have faith, even if things don't look like you think they should. Even if you don't understand. Even if you can't see how things will work out. Just trust Me.'
I need so much grace. From God, from my little family, from our wider family and from friends. In needing this grace myself, I find it becoming easier to give it (even perhaps when it isn't due). But this is a story for another time.
Do I think we have been crazy? unwise? foolish? irresponsible? No. We have prayed, we have sought, we have listened, we have trusted and WE ARE HERE. There is no going back. There is no plan B. There is only God, His will, His ways and our willingness to let Him do what He does best- be God!
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| Sean and Jake, our new addition to the family |
02 May
I started the above post about a week ago. Since then I have looked at our finances in detail, which I do weekly. God got us through April with all the unforeseen costs. And by His grace and the generosity of our family, unexpected blessings from friends and monthly sponsors we are fully provided for in May. I am definitely learning the meaning of Our Daily Bread. So grateful...
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