The feet that bring good news: Adopting Izabella-Joy

On the 13 April 2016 at 13:30 Izabella-Joy Krige arrived home. In many ways it was totally surreal to finally arrive home with our daughter and yet we had been preparing for this day for two years.  Izzy has been home for over two months now and we could not imagine life without her. My days are full and my heart is totally overflowing with contentment; I love being a mom of three.

Sean, Izzy and I on 13 April 2016

When we share how quickly Izabella-Joy came to be with us people marvel at the speed at which things happened. We met with Susan, our new social worker, on 7 March. We had our first official screening on 17 March, met Izzy on 21 March and Izzy came home on 13 April. What you don't hear from this side of things is the journey it took to get us to Susan and Izzy and the remarkable hand of God that was so clearly on us all as we went.

I won't back track too much as I already shared my heart in my previous post titled Adoption: the Tragedy and Privilege (see below for the link to this). Where I do want to start is at the part, where after nearly two years, we thought we had found the right social worker to take us forward. We waited out 2015 with her and in January 2016 I called her to ask for any updates. She had good news for us; a pregnant mom about to give birth. There was a lot of excitement and anticipation around this but there were also a few too many unanswered questions. After about a month of waiting we decided, for integrity purposes, to move on from this mom and our social worker (by mutual agreement). I was heartbroken, beaten down and very disappointed. I tried hard to remember that my hope was never going to be in a potential mom or social worker but rather in God. I prayed that God would guide and show us who our daughter was and that when she came home there would be absolutely no doubt that THIS was the daughter God had always planned for us.

Confirmation...

Fast forward to March 2016. Through a recommendation by Caroline Webb from Baby Haven, I contacted an adoption accredited social worker called Susan and we agreed to set up a meeting. All set. Except for one major catch. Susan's fees were almost double the previous social worker's and although we had saved, our savings only came to less than half Susan's fees.  I did a lot of crying again that weekend. I cried in disappointment, frustration, discouragement and for so many other reasons. As I 'knew' we couldn't afford Susan's fees I contacted Bev from Oasis Haven who had, two years prior, told me she knew a good adoption social worker. Bev's reply... Susan! Although unsure of how we would pay, we at least felt that we were on the right track.

Gold In My Hands:

On Sunday of that same weekend we were driving to see friends in Randburg. On the way home we passed a whole lot of gold mine dumps and Connor was rather fascinated by the story of gold. At some point along the journey he said he would like to see gold to which I very calmly and nonchalantly replied that he could see some when we got home because I had a gold Kruger Rand sitting in my cupboard (yes, I know, my cupboard!?). STOP. I looked at Sean. I HAVE A KRUGER RAND IN MY CUPBOARD! Light bulb moment. With the rand/dollar exchange rate I could get the amount of money we needed to pay for our social worker's fees.  But that wasn't the only beautiful part... I had, for some time during my prayer and worship time, been getting a reoccurring picture of a gold bar in each of my hands.  I had asked God to show me if this had any meaning and to be honest, I had put it to the back of my mind. Until that Sunday. I told Sean about the picture I had been getting and realised that all along God had been telling me that I had gold in my hands. Literally.  By Tuesday the Kruger Rand was sold and we knew confidently that God had provided for our every need for our daughter.

(An aside): This Kruger Rand had been given to me by Granny Patty, Sean's gran, about 9 years ago as a welcome to the family gift. Little did she know just how significant this gift of hers would be to us. There were many tough financial times in the past 9 years and yet, until now, we had never even considered selling the gold.  

Signs:

The first time we met with Susan for a general meeting she asked us many questions and then told us about a little girl (very special to her heart) up for adoption. Susan had felt God clearly tell her that THIS little girl needed to be adopted by a Christian family. We came along about a month after Izzy had been released from hospital into the safe care of an amazing Christian foster family who run an NPO called Onthatile Children's Ministries. There she would wait until she would be adopted and if she wasn't adopted then... well I hate to even think.

One of the pairs of baby shoes that
was put up around our house

The thing about Izzy was that she was born with club feet.  This made her a 'special needs' adoption; something many prospective parents refuse to even consider (I respect every prospective adoptive parent's right to make the best decisions for themselves).  For Sean and I however, the fact that Izzy had clubbed feet made us pretty sure from that very first meeting, that this was our daughter.  Why? Well, several reasons.  Firstly, our family is pretty unique, each one with our own eccentric element; Connor has a webbed toe, I have bunions, Sean has had his fair share of weird and wonderful physical ailments and Trist, well my pregnancy with him was almost all drama, Clubbed feet? Welcome to our family! Added to this, at the end of 2015 (also shown in my previous blog post) I had put up baby girl shoes all around our house to remind us of our Joy to come. Shoes. Which belong on feet.  I could have hung up pink ribbons, teddy bears, a baby outfit or anything else but for me it was shoes! A coincidence? I think not.

I mentioned earlier that through all my tears of anguish over the waiting, of frustration and disappointment, I prayed continually that God would show us and make it clear who our daughter was. Izzy was naturally not given the name Izabella at birth. She had been given another name at the hospital where she was born. I did a little bit of asking around and it turned out that this name meant 'sign' or 'to show the way'. Of course Sean and I smiled when we heard this as only our gracious God could have orchestrated such a thing. And although it wasn't the reason we 'just knew', it was a special little addition to all the other things God had put in place to prepare us for this daughter!

What's In a Name:
I had loved the name Izabella long before it became popular with Bella in Breaking Dawn (which I have never watched). It means 'Devoted to God'. I had suggested to Sean that we call her Izabella Rose as my second name is Rosamund, so for a long time our baby girl to be was Izabella Rose or Izzy. It may sound strange to say this but God literally stepped in and changed her name. In 2014 and through 2015 I had been given the words 'joy' and 'surprised by joy' as something to work towards and hold on to. For a long while I thought these had to do with our big life changes and our moving to the farm. As our adoption journey continued, however, I got the feeling that joy was in fact Joy, a person, referring to our daughter. I prayed a lot for our daughter throughout our two year journey but at this time I started to pray joy over her specifically.  One Sunday morning I met up one of my besties, Ang, for breakfast and prayer. I still remember so clearly that we were sitting at the edge of the Zoo Lake, watching the ducks, and Ang was praying for Sean and I and our unknown daughter. She started praying about joy for us, joy for our daughter; JOY JOY JOY. I had not mentioned my idea that 'joy' referred to our daughter but in that moment I felt God was whispering the name 'Izabella-Joy'. And that is how Izabella-Joy got her name; Joyfully Devoted to God. And let me add, she lives up to her name in every way! Not only is she is delight and joy to us and all who meet her, but she has so much joy inside of her; a joy that bubbles up and over in her beautiful smile and sweet little laugh.

And Now:

Our beautiful Izzy

Fast forward to today, 24 June 2016. Izzy has been with us for two months and eleven days. Not once in that time have we ever doubted that this precious little girl is and always was destined to be OUR DAUGHTER. We could not love her more. I love her with every inch of my being; I loved her long before I met her.  Although bonding and attachment is a journey, there is no doubt in our minds that she knows that we are her mom and dad and that she is home, where she belongs. When Izzy smiles at Sean, he just melts. Part of this may be that she is his little girl, but I think a bigger part is that her smile means 'I trust you. I am yours and you are mine'. Our little fighter girl was born eight weeks premature, removed from the only safe space she knew for nearly 9 months, born with clubbed feet and put in casts at birth, heavily jaundiced at a few days old, moved from the hospital she was born in, to a special foster home and then moved again to our family. So in her smile and laugh, saying 'I trust you', means the world to us!

Last Thoughts:

Through this journey I have learnt so much but what is most precious to me is getting a glimpse into God's heart for adoption.  I have only seen wave after wave of His grace pour over us since Izzy came home. There is too much to mention it all but His grace has been evident in everything from the outpouring of love and emotional support, meals, celebrations and gifts to friends financially sponsoring physio appointments, pediatric physios charging next to nothing for their expertise (and so on and so on)... It is by this grace and through my love for Izzy that I feel I have caught just a little glimpse into how much God loves me (and us) as His adopted child.

Our special daughter was worth every moment of frustration; all the tears, all the waiting and all the longing. God knew each moment, He knew our daughter and He had always known that she was to be ours and we were to be hers.  I cannot wait to be able to share her beautiful face but for now, meet the feet that will fit those shoes that we had up around our house:

    

"How beautiful on the mountains are the feet of those who bring good news,

who proclaim peace, who bring good tidings, who proclaim salvation..." (Isaiah 52:7)

**If you missed my first adoption blog post and would like to read what came before this blog post you can find it at: 

http://walkervilleadventure.blogspot.co.za/2016/02/adoption-tragedy-and-privilege.html