Swimming Upstream

Sean and I have called our big move 'Project Treetops'.  To understand why, it would be best to read the link given in my previous post. There is something remarkably beautiful about trees in general but as our move out of Sandton slowly creeps up on us, I find myself stopping to actually admire the breath taking views of the trees. My favourite view is from William Nicol drive, as I head down towards where we live.  I can see the Sandton skyline and the Riverclub golf course and just trees, trees, trees.  I have tried to capture this on camera - but some things should just be left captured in the heart and mind and I think this is one of them!  It is strange to think that soon this is not going to be the place I call home.  I have lived in Joburg almost all my life, always in the Northern suburbs and currently for my whole married life.  Our little flat has seen much in these eight years: Sean and I as a newly wed couple, the birth of our first and then second little blessing and now their fourth and second birthdays, our sweet cat Onyx who lived and died here, friends, family and more.  It is going to be a hard good bye!

But enough about that!  

We are truly well on our way into 2015 (I cannot believe January is over!). At the moment we are in a quiet lull with regards to our move to Walkerville; although Sean is looking for work and I am about to embark head first into finding us a place to live in April.  What has been a big change for me is that I am not working and that I have started the journey of HOMESCHOOLING our two boys!  I am keen to share my homeschooling journey right from the start as, nearly one month in, I have already wanted to give it up twice and have spent a rather large amount of time crying (and praying)!

I sent Sean a wattsapp message the other day saying: "It's hard swimming upstream - just saying". I could have added "Homeschooling is not for sissies" or even "Homeschooling is not the easy option". Moms who hear that I am home with the boys full time tend to tell me how lucky I am...and I am indeed very blessed to be able to do this (I won't go into the cost we need to count in terms of cutting budgets etc).  However, I cannot pretend that this is the easy option.  Oh, to drop my two little beauties off with someone at 8am and collect them again at 12pm while I spend my morning in adult company, earning a bit of income (she says wistfully).  But this is not what we have decided is best for our boys.  Not because someone else cannot look after them or teach them well, but because as their mom, I have a vested interest in their learning and education and this way, we get to choose what I teach and how I teach it.  On one of my meltdown days, my experienced homeschooler friend Jo called and said something profoundly helpful.  She said that my worst day as a mom with our boys will likely be far better than any teacher's worst day with our boys.  Not for any other reason than that I am mom!! That helped - a lot!  

In my first post I ended off by saying that as we go forward I need to to take a deep breath and dive deep- I was not joking. I find myself having to do this on a regular basis every day. Sometimes deep breaths and a "Jesus help me!" are the only things separating me from sanity and wanting to lie on my bed,cover my ears and scream...or cry...or both!

BUT the big question...

Has it (all four weeks of it) been worth it? And the answer...a resounding YES!

Every tear - mine and theirs

Every time my heart has broken when Tristan says he has no friends and I can see him struggling so much

Every tantrum - theirs mostly (and perhaps a few of my own)

Every exhausted moment when I feel I just need a cup of coffee and some time out

Every time I watch as our two boys bond so beautifully: sharing toys and affection, playing together and just enjoying each other

Every teachable moment

Every time I see how much the boys love being with their mom and having her time and attention...

It has all been absolutely, 100% worth it. 

I still feel inadequate, I still feel overwhelmed by the amount of choice out there, I still question how much formal vs informal teaching I should be doing with my boys at this age.  I still have challenges with behaviour of one on one day and the other the next day. But in four weeks, with mainly incidental learning rather than anything formal, I can honestly say that I can already see positive changes. The boys feel secure in our togetherness, they love being with me and having my attention. I have noticed how we are all being knitted together in unity. It feels like this unseen magnetic field pulling us closer together. We are a team.  Tristan, Connor and I.  And I must add that Sean is fully on board with this and immensely supportive.  The boys are spending more time with him as he adjusts his priorities and him and I are having lovely couch times (chatting) and prayer times.

Really, what more could I ask for?