Confessions of a homeschool[ed] mom

I call this post 'Confessions of a home school[ed] mom' because, truth be told, in the past two years I have learnt more in this area of homeschooling than I could have ever imagined. When I started the blog in my head (as I always do - laugh out loud) I imagined I would write mostly about the boys and their experience.  It turns out that the perfectly apt title has lead me to focus on my own learning instead.

The other day I read a blog post that I had written two years ago. It was my first (and until now only) post about homeschooling and I was all of four weeks in. Four weeks. Oh goodness I laughed at myself.  Although I must say that even after four weeks I had a few good things I could share. Now I am officially going into my third year of homeschooling and, although I am certainly no expert, I feel that I have a couple more notches in my belt and hence a bit more that I can share from experience.

[A short aside: 1. I am writing this post with both my husband and I in mind so even though I use 'I' and 'my' it can actually be read 'us', 'we' and 'our'. 2. I write this purely from our own family's experience of homeschooling; from Sean and my opinions based on what we feel is best and right for our family. Homeschooling is not for everyone and I know that all parents make the best decisions they can for their children.]

So, what have I learnt?

1. My children will learn in spite of me

Call it God's grace, His perfect design or anything you like but for a year I deschooled (meaning we took a break from anything school like, curriculum centered or structured) and we played and learnt what we felt like learning about. I did this more for my sake than my boys' because, having been a teacher and then lecturer, I felt I needed to take time to work out what education means to me and our family. What astounded me (and it probably shouldn't have) was just how much my boys learnt in that time, despite no formal input. I must add that I was (and still am) very intentional about using almost any situation as a learning opportunity but I did not go out to teach specific concepts. Tristan and Connor both learnt to count higher than they could before. Tristan learnt how to draw people with eyes and proper faces. And of course from all the outside and ball play (the boys play soccer or cricket for an hour every day with dad) the boys have good gross motor coordination.

2. Our boys will learn what they need to in their own time

With no recent lessons at all, Tristan learnt to swim on his own. He is our more cautious son and so it took him a while to feel safe and to gather courage and confidence. But when the time was right, he jumped in (arm band less) and swam. Now he does somersaults (and all sorts of things that his mom prefers not to watch). Tristan also learnt to ride a bike. He had a balance bike a few years ago but when we moved we had no place for proper bike riding. For Christmas both boys got bikes with fairy wheels and within about two weeks Tristan's fairy wheels were off and he was riding on his own.

3. Play is not just important, it is vital and non negotiable

We do about 35-45 minutes of input and activity time each day (this would include Zulu lessons with Thembi too). The rest of the day is spent playing. Playing in the sandpit, jumping on the trampoline, building forts, dressing up and role playing... My boys have become excellent at entertaining themselves, they do not complain that they are bored and I seldom need to present them with activity options because they simply create play opportunities for themselves.  Part of their role is play is definitely stimulated by the imaginative story telling that happens every night, with Sean, before bedtime. Dad has read through the entire Narnia series with the boys and he is currently reading through the Kingdom Series (by Chuck Black) with them.

4. The only one limiting my children is myself

Sean has always been very good at giving our boys responsibilities. They both have daily chores (which include opening curtains, making their own breakfast, feeding dogs and giving them water and picking up dog poop).  They are also now very good at cleaning up their bedroom (which includes folding clothes and keeping their cupboards neat) and play areas. In fact our two boys do a better job of cleaning up at 6 and 4 than I did at 20! Added to this I cannot, with 3 children to work around, plan different work daily for Tristan and Connor. I therefore teach to Tristan's age and Connor joins us. Even as a school teacher I was always of the opinion that you teach more to children than what they need to know; those who can take more in will and those who cannot won't.  So Connor, although never forced (he is allowed to go do something else if he doesn't want to join us for certain activities), does the same activities in Maths and phonics as Tristan. And let me just say that this little four year old, of his own accord, can count in 10's, understands place value of tens and units, knows the sounds of many of the letters (and can write capital and lower case T, and C as well as several numbers and other letters). Connor is definitely bright, he has an amazing memory and he is the second child; all of which help his academic ability. The benefit of homeschooling is that I can move as quickly or slowly as the boys need. Connor can be 4 years old doing 'Grade R' Maths or he can be 8 years old doing 'Grade 1' Maths. (I put Grade R and Grade 1 in inverted commas because I prefer not to refer to Grades, rather to the ages of my boys. I use grades as a sort of framework for milestones but I prefer to refer to Tristan as being 6, not being in Grade R).

5. How I define homeschooling (and education)

I have a dear friend who has just started homeschooling her 3 lovely children. Her oldest daughter is nearly 8 this year. It is always daunting to take the first step towards homeschooling; having a child who has been at school and who is older must make it even more so. I tried really hard to encourage her during a conversation we were having. In this I shared with her my view on education (I hadn't really put it down in words before): my view is that education is much more than teaching my child to read, add, subtract and learn facts. For me education is holistic; it is development of the heart, spirit, mind and body in a way which is nurturing and safe. It is character development. It is spiritual development. In an academic sense, I feel that my absolute role as a homeschool mom is to teach our children to read, write and of course the basics of maths etc but most of all, to teach them how to learn and TO LOVE LEARNING! If they love learning then the world is their oyster!

Apart from the question around sport, I know that many dads question what role they can play in homeschooling. For this very reason I have tried to show Sean's involvement in the day to day life of our boys' education; the sporting side of soccer and cricket (there are also club based sporting opportunities of course), the hands on and problem solving side which he focuses on during his homeschooling time every Thursday and the creative story telling aspect which he does with the boys before bedtime. All these have created unique roles for us, as a team, in Tristan and Connor's holistic educational development.

I would like to end off by sharing my views on the socialisation of our boys, as this is still the most commonly asked question and concern for many people that I speak to.  At a homeschool seminar that we attended in 2014, Martie du Plessis from Dynamis Learning said that the first place all children learn socialisation is at home. I fully agree with her. Our boys are learning to relate to each other, to their sister and to us as adults in the safety of their own home environment. I have seen that they (Tristan in particular) are learning to take the skills they have picked up at home and adapt these in other situations and environments. Tristan is very social and loves to be around people, especially other children. He makes friends quickly and easily.  He is able to relate to people of his own age, as 

well as children who are older and younger than him. I am in no way saying that his social skills are perfect. What I am saying is that because he is exposed to children, and even adults of all ages, he is learning to relate to both young and old alike. How are the boys being socialised? Both boys attend our church children's ministry every Sunday morning (according to our boys this is actually what school is). Tristan is in a group of children from Grade R to 5 and last year was the youngest in this group. Connor is in a group of children from 2 years old to Grade R. Yes, this is Sundays only but it is a consistent part of their socialisation.  I have also been very intentional this year to arrange play dates with friends in our area and we have been on an Adventure Club outing (with more planned after we move).  So have I forgotten to socialise our kids? No. Am I concerned that they will be socially awkward? No. Have they started to make special friends who they want to spend time with regularly? Yes.  Enough said.    

Heading in to year three, I am grateful for our homeschool journey so far and I have no regrets. I feel that this is my calling and although some days are tougher than others, I never wake up to a new day with anything but joy in my heart at being able to spend the day with the ones I love (my children) and doing what I love (teaching/imparting knowledge).  I am grateful for my amazing husband and his day to day support (I get coffee in bed every morning, I get 5-6pm off and Sean also takes the boys for an activity every Thursday for an hour so I can prep).  I am thankful for friends who are on this journey either ahead of me or alongside me. I am grateful for good resources which take the edge off my planning (and lessen the time needed to plan). I am thankful for the support of family, (financial and other) who see the boys thrive and are quick to compliment us in our decision, albeit an educational road less traveled.  Indeed, our family is taking the more scenic route along the dirt road. 

If you are interested in reading my very first blog post about homeschooling, you can find it at:

http://walkervilleadventure.blogspot.co.za/2015/02/swimming-upstream.html