Of Vision, Guts & Grace...

I know the title of this post is quite a mouthful... In fact, many books have been written on each of these words separately, never mind on all 3 at the same time. I'll do my best to keep it short(ish), but I'm afraid no promises can be made on it being light hearted. In fact, much of this post cuts to the heart of a number of matters generally and purposefully avoided by many of us. There are of course many reasons for this, yet sadly there can be no resolution or change through avoidance. With that said, let's dive in...

What if I told you that I have a bullet proof solution or formula for a life to be lived without regret, disillusionment, meaninglessness, rejection, burnout, fear, lack, insecurity, mistrust or defeat (list 1). Said another way, what would you pay for the key to a life filled with purpose, passion, intimacy, celebration, rest, courage, security, commitment and victory (list 2)? Guaranteed. Got your attention? Good...

So, how much would that be worth? All you have? Your 13th cheque? What's your price, or said another way, let's consider the cost. Here's list 1 again, this time including some loose definitions:

List 1:

1. Regret? The emotional expenditure of wishing that things could have worked out differently...
2. Disillusionment? The inability to comprehend or accept why someone did what they did, or something happened like it did...
3. Meaninglessness? The deep and depressing state of realizing that nothing really matters, or that life has little or no purpose...
4. Rejection? The sick to your stomach feeling of being unloved, unvaluable and unimportant to those you deem important...
5. Burnout? The inability to manage the demands in your life and being spent to your very bones in trying to do so...
6. Fear? The paralysing sensation that you are powerless to defend yourself against whatever it is that threatens you...
7. Insecurity? The inability to have your needs met in some shape or form that is really important to you...
8. Mistrust? The inability to truly rely on anyone other than yourself, and hence the need to remain guarded and often cynical...
9. Defeat? The state of being rendered powerless to overcome that thing in your life that beats you down, and down, and down again...

And what about the opposite? What would you say ownership of list 2 is worth?

List 2:

1. Purpose? That feeling that your life matters and you have a vital role to play in the overall well-being of those around you...
2. Passion? The deep energy that wells up within you when considering a person, place or situation of some sorts...
3. Intimacy? The deep need and ability to know and be fully known, emotionally, sexually, spiritually...
4. Celebration? The great joy associated with freely celebrating those achievements and undertakings dearest to us...
5. Rest? The ability to enter into that state of being at complete peace with yourself, others and God...
6. Courage? Facing your greatest fears, staring them down, and then redefining their entire influence in your life...
7. Security? To be able to provide for and protect ourselves, and those that matter the most to us...
8. Commitment? For you and those you trust to be found faithful and true to pledged allegiances and promises...
9. Victory? To be able to stand and share the glory with those you have chosen to fight with and for...

Before you settle on a price for all of this, let's get a little real 1st... What does your list look like currently? I mean, to use accounting terminology, are you in the red (list 1 > list 2) or in the black (list 2 > list 1)? Personally, and upon some reflection over the past 10 years (because we all know life only really starts after 30), there are 3 practices I would like to draw our attention to in relation to these 2 lists. But just before I do so, I want to briefly touch on their origins, because as with many things, origination is a vital component of understanding. 

We've all heard of Love, Faith & Hope right... The 3 foundational Christian virtues? So what about them? Well, quite simply, these are the essential and eternal virtues given to human kind by God himself. They are the foundations for all that is good and valuable, they have no inherent value based on our understanding or opinion thereof, but rather in the fact that they are the very DNA or life code for all the universe, and flow from the very throne of God. My point and perspective in saying all of this is simply...

1. There can be no sustainable, effective or holistic achievement of list 2, without 1st recognising that without God, and his common gifts and kindness to humanity in these 3 virtues, there is simply no basis for list 2 whatsoever.
2. I hope to show below, that there exists a direct link between these 3 heavenly and eternal virtues, and the application of the 3 practices I would consider to be critical in the formation of list 2 in our lives.

The 3 practices I am of course referring to, are those in the title of this post: Vision, Guts and Grace. For application purposes, I have examined each of these keystone practices strictly from my point of understanding and experience, together with their associated impact on the desired formation and development of list 2 in my life.

1. If Hope is divine, then Vision must be one of its best earthly practices...

Much has been said about Vision throughout the ages, from the bible that says without it people will simply perish (Proverbs 29:18), to more contemporary accounts of liberation movements inspired by men and women who have stated the almost immortal words 'I have a vision [dream]...'. For clarity of definition sake, and in borrowing from too many sources to mention, we well know the saying 'You don't need eyes to see, you need vision'. Because vision can only actually be seen from the future... and where there is no Hope for a better future, there can be no vision.

In my experience, Vision has been birthed from a place of personal dissatisfaction with the status quo, which underlines the belief in a better tomorrow, but also questions ones willingness to play a part in bringing about the change required. I have drafted 2 vision documents for our life in the past 5 years, each rooted in a personal conviction and desire to live a life that matters both while we are here, and when we pass on. Each of the documents took months to prepare. In the same way that a business plan needs to consider all the key elements of a business, so a personal vision document must consider all those elements key to life. 

Why would we think or behave any differently in our aspirations for living a life of purpose and meaning, than we do in our aspirations for becoming better educated or acquiring wealth? In the end, is it not the absence of a Vision for the implementation of my education or wealth, that leaves me lacking in my purpose or courage?

What am I trying to say? 

Do you long for Purpose, Courage and Victory in your life? If so, find a Vision rooted in your current dissatisfaction with the status quo, and a Hope that the future will be better tomorrow than today, and that you have an indispensable role to play in that outcome.

Some guidelines in formulating such a Vision;

• It's always bigger than you, because it's not about you, and it could never be achieved alone.
• Hence the bible reminds us to share the vision, so that others might run along with us at the appointed time and fashion (Habakkuk 2:2).
• Acts 2:17 also reminds us that it is God who gives vision, and liberally at that, not forgetting that it's only truly birthed and fulfilled in an eternal Hope.

2. If Faith is divine, then Guts must be one of its best earthly practices...

Guts... now that's a word we don't hear spoken much of anymore! Fortunately for me, I got an up close and personal education in guts. My father has more guts than any man I know. He was recently awarded the Christiaan Barnard Memorial Award which pays tribute to 1 South African doctor each year who has (within their hospital network) demonstrated leadership in their specific field, while contributing to the advancement of the medical profession. That's the 'post op' rendition. I'll tell you what it looks like 'in the theatre'... 

It means caring for dying people all the time, and when they're dead, caring for their families too. It means still treating someone when they can't afford that treatment, or when the medical aid cover is hopelessly insufficient or simply not forthcoming. It means climbing out of bed at 1, 3 or / and 5am if you're on call for a career spanning 40 years. In my dad's case, it also meant climbing out of bed at 1, 3 or / and 5am if no one else was prepared to do so. It meant having to advise on life and death decisions daily, and then come home and advise on the running on a household, with 3 (crazy) kids and a lonely wife. My parents celebrated their 40th wedding anniversary this year, to say nothing of the guts that takes, or anything of the role my mom played in all of this (at enormous personal and mostly unrecognized cost). 

My dad's example reminds me that my expressed faith in God, is made real in my faithfulness in that to which he has called me, and if that which I am called to is to glorify God, then it will almost certainly require a whole lot of Guts.

What am I trying to say?

Do you long for such Passion, Commitment & Celebration in your life? If so, find the Guts rooted in the Faith that what you do matters more than you can ever imagine, in particular if it's done for the sole good and benefit of another (because God designed it that way).

Some guidelines on finding Guts;

• It's linked to something you're passionate about
• It will always require more commitment than you could imagine
• But in the end, when you stop to celebrate the outcome, it will be worth it 

Hence the bible reminds us not to grow weary in doing good, for in the the due season we will reap, if we do not give up (Galatians 6:9)

3. If Love is divine, then Grace must be one of its best earthly practices...

To be honest, I only 'got' grace about 10 years ago, so I'm no master on the topic, but then again, perhaps Max Lucado's quote on understanding grace says it best... 'there's an ex con walking the streets of gold (in heaven) who knows more about grace than a thousand theologians' (with reference to the repentant sinner crucified with Christ). In staying within a Christian context, one thing I certainly do know about grace however, and very sadly so, is that it's broadly taught and understood as a singular concept of God's response to my sin. In other words, Jesus died for my sins, which is the manifestation of God's grace to me and the world. This of course is true, but it's not the whole truth.

The remaining portion of this truth, and that which so often is missing, is my response to God's forgiveness (the ultimate Grace). Because therein is the biggest clue as to whether I've correctly understood real grace in the 1st place. In other words, if Jesus death for you amounts to little more than a self serving faith and a 'free ticket to heaven', then I would say that you might have bought a grace ticket, but you've definitely boarded the wrong train! As Dietrich Bonhoeffer (the German pastor, theologian and anti-Nazi dissident) would say; “Costly grace is the treasure hidden in the field; for the sake of it a man will gladly go and sell all he has. It is the pearl of great price to by which the merchant will sell all his goods.” 

You know you've got Grace when you understand in your heart that God gave his dearest possession (his Son) for you, and so for you to offer back your dearest possession (your life), as an act of gratitude and worship, becomes as natural a thing as to enjoy an ice cream on a hot summers day.

What am I trying to say?

Do you long for Intimacy, Rest & Security? If so, find Grace, rooted in your deepest need to be Loved, which goes hand in hand with your deepest need to be forgiven and accepted as you are, for who you are, for the life you've been created to live (a list 2 life).

Some guidelines in finding Grace;

• You can't find it, because it finds you, but you'll know you've got it, when it runs so deep that you also know you'll never lose it. I am refering here to the depths of a born again spirit, the only available channel with which man is able to connect, understand and be refreshed by the Spirit of God. (1 Cor 2:11-12)
• You not only sleep, you rest... you have peace which surpasses understanding (Philippians 4:7) and makes you lie down in green pastures and leads you beside still waters (Psalm 23).
• And finally, you've stopped worrying, because when Jesus became your brother (Romans 8:29) you stepped into the inheritance of your Father in heaven, who provides for your every need (Matthew 6:33) and protects you from your enemies (Psalm 139:5).

So there you have it... The heavenly and eternal virtues of Love, Faith & Hope... Given to inspire and guide the earthly and priceless practices of Vision, Guts and Grace... That we in turn might live in the fullness of a life defined by and filled with:

• Purpose
• Passion
• Intimacy
• Celebration
• Rest
• Courage
• Security
• Commitment
• and Victory 

In closing I want to assure you, that I have not written this as a 'pep' talk for those of us needing a little end of year motivation and encouragement. I have written this as a roadmap for fundamentally shifting your perspective and experience of this life in line with the life God had in mind for you when He created you. And that makes all the difference!

I call heaven and earth to witness before you today, that I have set before you life and death, blessing and curse. Therefore choose life (list 2!), that you and your offspring may live (forever).

 - Deuteronomy 30:19

PS. Some recommended holiday reading for those interested in understanding more on the above 3 practices:

• Vision 
• Man in the Mirror - by Pat Morley (for men) 
• Captivated - by Stasi Eldredge (for woman) 
• Guts 
• Any autobiography of any person in history used by God 
• Grace 
• Any books or teachings on cheap grace

Community Living... tastes like Berries!

My last blog post was about time, and that was 7 months ago, so it certainly seems 'about time' to put pen to paper again! We continue to live by the grace of God, having finished off 2016 with a holiday to my folks in PE - courtesy of the tax man (SARS)! That in itself was a story of great improbability, given the shambles that was my overdue, inaccurate (let's just say my newly appointed accountant wasn't a bean counter after all), and ultimately audited submission. I can't imagine there have been many occasions in the history of SARS, where a plea for mercy and resubmission (based on the grounds mentioned above), have been met with a payout equal to a month and a halfs salary! 

The beckoning of a new year certainly did bring with it the expectation of good things, but what was not on the radar in any shape or form, was that by April we'd have relocated to the berry farm next door! And so, in the middle of January, fresh back from holiday, we were quite unexpectedly informed by our landlord, that we were no longer welcome on the farm. Not really the new year start we had scripted... But something that we have been well schooled in these past 2 years, is that there's always purpose in apparent disappointment, and there's always a Way where there seems no way... 

And so in the end, we made the call not to renew our lease, but instead to consider the possibility of relocating to the farm next door (The Field aka Berry Farm), primarily as a result of having developed some special friendships with people living there (forged from our small church group meetings on Wednesday nights). In a clear case of providence, a lovely 5 room home became available for occupation on the exact date our lease expired, for the exact amount we were previously paying... Go figure.

And so we all (Tristan in particular!) jumped for joy, having already been hugely blessed by the communal lifestyle (there are about 15 other homesteads on the farm), facilities (trampoline, tennis court, club house, massive swimming pool, berry farm, etc...) and peaceful atmosphere that is our new home... Not to mention the perfect homeschool environment for Dannean and the kids!

On the ministry front, my long standing desires and hopes to startup up both discipleship and mentorship initiatives, has at last become a reality, with my involvement in both Wednesday evening and Friday morning men's discipleship groups, being run in a friendly, purposeful and impactful manner. One of the key resources we're using in this regard, is a book entitled 'Man in the Mirror', which is a brilliant read for any man seeking renewed purpose and understanding of what it means live as a man made in the image of God... (a couple lads, and a wee lass, from the discipleship group here below)

On the mentorship front, i have become involved in a mentorship programme for a home accommodating and supporting abandoned and orphaned teenage boys (based in Berea, Johannesburg). This involvement is through an organization called the Character Company, which is a unique NPO focused an helping boys become good men (God knows we need some more of those in our country!) (check out www.thecharactercompany.co.za - they're awesome). Anyway, a real highlight was recently taking 12 of these young men on a camping trip in the magaliesburg, for a time of values based adventure, laughter, and education.

(cliff jumping was a real highlight for everyone)

From a work perspective, my mentoring of startup and small businesses with The Hope Factory continues, however this seems to be nearing the end of the runway, with my hope that a new business I have been working on for the past 18 months (also in the entrepreneur support space), will come online in June this year. My farming aspirations have also not diminished at all, and while my vege patches were lost in the relocation, the farming potential that exists at our new home, outstrips my previous vege patches 100 to 1! Hopefully some of my recently purchased organic heirloom seeds will see dirt before year end!

In conclusion, and with reference to the book I made previous mention of (Man in the Mirror), I recently undertook a most valuable and overdue exercise. I took the time to consider, meditate and pray through my life's vision statement. Essentially, this consists of a couple sentences that summarise one's purpose for living. The reason I'm sharing this, is that I am constantly reminded in the marathon that is life (in particular the Christian life), that good intentions or lukewarm living will continue to prevail outside of a life lived by conviction. And for convictions to be readily acted upon, they need to be carefully considered, crafted and constantly before us. 

And so, it will continue to remain a mystery how God's word (the Bible) can be living, until we allow it to penetrate and define our lives. How better then, than to craft your life vision statement from it? If anything of what I'm saying resonates with you, do yourself a favour and buy the book 'Man in the Mirror by Pat Morley' - it's a keeper!

Confessions of a homeschool[ed] mom

I call this post 'Confessions of a home school[ed] mom' because, truth be told, in the past two years I have learnt more in this area of homeschooling than I could have ever imagined. When I started the blog in my head (as I always do - laugh out loud) I imagined I would write mostly about the boys and their experience.  It turns out that the perfectly apt title has lead me to focus on my own learning instead.

The other day I read a blog post that I had written two years ago. It was my first (and until now only) post about homeschooling and I was all of four weeks in. Four weeks. Oh goodness I laughed at myself.  Although I must say that even after four weeks I had a few good things I could share. Now I am officially going into my third year of homeschooling and, although I am certainly no expert, I feel that I have a couple more notches in my belt and hence a bit more that I can share from experience.

[A short aside: 1. I am writing this post with both my husband and I in mind so even though I use 'I' and 'my' it can actually be read 'us', 'we' and 'our'. 2. I write this purely from our own family's experience of homeschooling; from Sean and my opinions based on what we feel is best and right for our family. Homeschooling is not for everyone and I know that all parents make the best decisions they can for their children.]

So, what have I learnt?

1. My children will learn in spite of me

Call it God's grace, His perfect design or anything you like but for a year I deschooled (meaning we took a break from anything school like, curriculum centered or structured) and we played and learnt what we felt like learning about. I did this more for my sake than my boys' because, having been a teacher and then lecturer, I felt I needed to take time to work out what education means to me and our family. What astounded me (and it probably shouldn't have) was just how much my boys learnt in that time, despite no formal input. I must add that I was (and still am) very intentional about using almost any situation as a learning opportunity but I did not go out to teach specific concepts. Tristan and Connor both learnt to count higher than they could before. Tristan learnt how to draw people with eyes and proper faces. And of course from all the outside and ball play (the boys play soccer or cricket for an hour every day with dad) the boys have good gross motor coordination.

2. Our boys will learn what they need to in their own time

With no recent lessons at all, Tristan learnt to swim on his own. He is our more cautious son and so it took him a while to feel safe and to gather courage and confidence. But when the time was right, he jumped in (arm band less) and swam. Now he does somersaults (and all sorts of things that his mom prefers not to watch). Tristan also learnt to ride a bike. He had a balance bike a few years ago but when we moved we had no place for proper bike riding. For Christmas both boys got bikes with fairy wheels and within about two weeks Tristan's fairy wheels were off and he was riding on his own.

3. Play is not just important, it is vital and non negotiable

We do about 35-45 minutes of input and activity time each day (this would include Zulu lessons with Thembi too). The rest of the day is spent playing. Playing in the sandpit, jumping on the trampoline, building forts, dressing up and role playing... My boys have become excellent at entertaining themselves, they do not complain that they are bored and I seldom need to present them with activity options because they simply create play opportunities for themselves.  Part of their role is play is definitely stimulated by the imaginative story telling that happens every night, with Sean, before bedtime. Dad has read through the entire Narnia series with the boys and he is currently reading through the Kingdom Series (by Chuck Black) with them.

4. The only one limiting my children is myself

Sean has always been very good at giving our boys responsibilities. They both have daily chores (which include opening curtains, making their own breakfast, feeding dogs and giving them water and picking up dog poop).  They are also now very good at cleaning up their bedroom (which includes folding clothes and keeping their cupboards neat) and play areas. In fact our two boys do a better job of cleaning up at 6 and 4 than I did at 20! Added to this I cannot, with 3 children to work around, plan different work daily for Tristan and Connor. I therefore teach to Tristan's age and Connor joins us. Even as a school teacher I was always of the opinion that you teach more to children than what they need to know; those who can take more in will and those who cannot won't.  So Connor, although never forced (he is allowed to go do something else if he doesn't want to join us for certain activities), does the same activities in Maths and phonics as Tristan. And let me just say that this little four year old, of his own accord, can count in 10's, understands place value of tens and units, knows the sounds of many of the letters (and can write capital and lower case T, and C as well as several numbers and other letters). Connor is definitely bright, he has an amazing memory and he is the second child; all of which help his academic ability. The benefit of homeschooling is that I can move as quickly or slowly as the boys need. Connor can be 4 years old doing 'Grade R' Maths or he can be 8 years old doing 'Grade 1' Maths. (I put Grade R and Grade 1 in inverted commas because I prefer not to refer to Grades, rather to the ages of my boys. I use grades as a sort of framework for milestones but I prefer to refer to Tristan as being 6, not being in Grade R).

5. How I define homeschooling (and education)

I have a dear friend who has just started homeschooling her 3 lovely children. Her oldest daughter is nearly 8 this year. It is always daunting to take the first step towards homeschooling; having a child who has been at school and who is older must make it even more so. I tried really hard to encourage her during a conversation we were having. In this I shared with her my view on education (I hadn't really put it down in words before): my view is that education is much more than teaching my child to read, add, subtract and learn facts. For me education is holistic; it is development of the heart, spirit, mind and body in a way which is nurturing and safe. It is character development. It is spiritual development. In an academic sense, I feel that my absolute role as a homeschool mom is to teach our children to read, write and of course the basics of maths etc but most of all, to teach them how to learn and TO LOVE LEARNING! If they love learning then the world is their oyster!

Apart from the question around sport, I know that many dads question what role they can play in homeschooling. For this very reason I have tried to show Sean's involvement in the day to day life of our boys' education; the sporting side of soccer and cricket (there are also club based sporting opportunities of course), the hands on and problem solving side which he focuses on during his homeschooling time every Thursday and the creative story telling aspect which he does with the boys before bedtime. All these have created unique roles for us, as a team, in Tristan and Connor's holistic educational development.

I would like to end off by sharing my views on the socialisation of our boys, as this is still the most commonly asked question and concern for many people that I speak to.  At a homeschool seminar that we attended in 2014, Martie du Plessis from Dynamis Learning said that the first place all children learn socialisation is at home. I fully agree with her. Our boys are learning to relate to each other, to their sister and to us as adults in the safety of their own home environment. I have seen that they (Tristan in particular) are learning to take the skills they have picked up at home and adapt these in other situations and environments. Tristan is very social and loves to be around people, especially other children. He makes friends quickly and easily.  He is able to relate to people of his own age, as 

well as children who are older and younger than him. I am in no way saying that his social skills are perfect. What I am saying is that because he is exposed to children, and even adults of all ages, he is learning to relate to both young and old alike. How are the boys being socialised? Both boys attend our church children's ministry every Sunday morning (according to our boys this is actually what school is). Tristan is in a group of children from Grade R to 5 and last year was the youngest in this group. Connor is in a group of children from 2 years old to Grade R. Yes, this is Sundays only but it is a consistent part of their socialisation.  I have also been very intentional this year to arrange play dates with friends in our area and we have been on an Adventure Club outing (with more planned after we move).  So have I forgotten to socialise our kids? No. Am I concerned that they will be socially awkward? No. Have they started to make special friends who they want to spend time with regularly? Yes.  Enough said.    

Heading in to year three, I am grateful for our homeschool journey so far and I have no regrets. I feel that this is my calling and although some days are tougher than others, I never wake up to a new day with anything but joy in my heart at being able to spend the day with the ones I love (my children) and doing what I love (teaching/imparting knowledge).  I am grateful for my amazing husband and his day to day support (I get coffee in bed every morning, I get 5-6pm off and Sean also takes the boys for an activity every Thursday for an hour so I can prep).  I am thankful for friends who are on this journey either ahead of me or alongside me. I am grateful for good resources which take the edge off my planning (and lessen the time needed to plan). I am thankful for the support of family, (financial and other) who see the boys thrive and are quick to compliment us in our decision, albeit an educational road less traveled.  Indeed, our family is taking the more scenic route along the dirt road. 

If you are interested in reading my very first blog post about homeschooling, you can find it at:

http://walkervilleadventure.blogspot.co.za/2015/02/swimming-upstream.html