The feet that bring good news: Adopting Izabella-Joy

On the 13 April 2016 at 13:30 Izabella-Joy Krige arrived home. In many ways it was totally surreal to finally arrive home with our daughter and yet we had been preparing for this day for two years.  Izzy has been home for over two months now and we could not imagine life without her. My days are full and my heart is totally overflowing with contentment; I love being a mom of three.

Sean, Izzy and I on 13 April 2016

When we share how quickly Izabella-Joy came to be with us people marvel at the speed at which things happened. We met with Susan, our new social worker, on 7 March. We had our first official screening on 17 March, met Izzy on 21 March and Izzy came home on 13 April. What you don't hear from this side of things is the journey it took to get us to Susan and Izzy and the remarkable hand of God that was so clearly on us all as we went.

I won't back track too much as I already shared my heart in my previous post titled Adoption: the Tragedy and Privilege (see below for the link to this). Where I do want to start is at the part, where after nearly two years, we thought we had found the right social worker to take us forward. We waited out 2015 with her and in January 2016 I called her to ask for any updates. She had good news for us; a pregnant mom about to give birth. There was a lot of excitement and anticipation around this but there were also a few too many unanswered questions. After about a month of waiting we decided, for integrity purposes, to move on from this mom and our social worker (by mutual agreement). I was heartbroken, beaten down and very disappointed. I tried hard to remember that my hope was never going to be in a potential mom or social worker but rather in God. I prayed that God would guide and show us who our daughter was and that when she came home there would be absolutely no doubt that THIS was the daughter God had always planned for us.

Confirmation...

Fast forward to March 2016. Through a recommendation by Caroline Webb from Baby Haven, I contacted an adoption accredited social worker called Susan and we agreed to set up a meeting. All set. Except for one major catch. Susan's fees were almost double the previous social worker's and although we had saved, our savings only came to less than half Susan's fees.  I did a lot of crying again that weekend. I cried in disappointment, frustration, discouragement and for so many other reasons. As I 'knew' we couldn't afford Susan's fees I contacted Bev from Oasis Haven who had, two years prior, told me she knew a good adoption social worker. Bev's reply... Susan! Although unsure of how we would pay, we at least felt that we were on the right track.

Gold In My Hands:

On Sunday of that same weekend we were driving to see friends in Randburg. On the way home we passed a whole lot of gold mine dumps and Connor was rather fascinated by the story of gold. At some point along the journey he said he would like to see gold to which I very calmly and nonchalantly replied that he could see some when we got home because I had a gold Kruger Rand sitting in my cupboard (yes, I know, my cupboard!?). STOP. I looked at Sean. I HAVE A KRUGER RAND IN MY CUPBOARD! Light bulb moment. With the rand/dollar exchange rate I could get the amount of money we needed to pay for our social worker's fees.  But that wasn't the only beautiful part... I had, for some time during my prayer and worship time, been getting a reoccurring picture of a gold bar in each of my hands.  I had asked God to show me if this had any meaning and to be honest, I had put it to the back of my mind. Until that Sunday. I told Sean about the picture I had been getting and realised that all along God had been telling me that I had gold in my hands. Literally.  By Tuesday the Kruger Rand was sold and we knew confidently that God had provided for our every need for our daughter.

(An aside): This Kruger Rand had been given to me by Granny Patty, Sean's gran, about 9 years ago as a welcome to the family gift. Little did she know just how significant this gift of hers would be to us. There were many tough financial times in the past 9 years and yet, until now, we had never even considered selling the gold.  

Signs:

The first time we met with Susan for a general meeting she asked us many questions and then told us about a little girl (very special to her heart) up for adoption. Susan had felt God clearly tell her that THIS little girl needed to be adopted by a Christian family. We came along about a month after Izzy had been released from hospital into the safe care of an amazing Christian foster family who run an NPO called Onthatile Children's Ministries. There she would wait until she would be adopted and if she wasn't adopted then... well I hate to even think.

One of the pairs of baby shoes that
was put up around our house

The thing about Izzy was that she was born with club feet.  This made her a 'special needs' adoption; something many prospective parents refuse to even consider (I respect every prospective adoptive parent's right to make the best decisions for themselves).  For Sean and I however, the fact that Izzy had clubbed feet made us pretty sure from that very first meeting, that this was our daughter.  Why? Well, several reasons.  Firstly, our family is pretty unique, each one with our own eccentric element; Connor has a webbed toe, I have bunions, Sean has had his fair share of weird and wonderful physical ailments and Trist, well my pregnancy with him was almost all drama, Clubbed feet? Welcome to our family! Added to this, at the end of 2015 (also shown in my previous blog post) I had put up baby girl shoes all around our house to remind us of our Joy to come. Shoes. Which belong on feet.  I could have hung up pink ribbons, teddy bears, a baby outfit or anything else but for me it was shoes! A coincidence? I think not.

I mentioned earlier that through all my tears of anguish over the waiting, of frustration and disappointment, I prayed continually that God would show us and make it clear who our daughter was. Izzy was naturally not given the name Izabella at birth. She had been given another name at the hospital where she was born. I did a little bit of asking around and it turned out that this name meant 'sign' or 'to show the way'. Of course Sean and I smiled when we heard this as only our gracious God could have orchestrated such a thing. And although it wasn't the reason we 'just knew', it was a special little addition to all the other things God had put in place to prepare us for this daughter!

What's In a Name:
I had loved the name Izabella long before it became popular with Bella in Breaking Dawn (which I have never watched). It means 'Devoted to God'. I had suggested to Sean that we call her Izabella Rose as my second name is Rosamund, so for a long time our baby girl to be was Izabella Rose or Izzy. It may sound strange to say this but God literally stepped in and changed her name. In 2014 and through 2015 I had been given the words 'joy' and 'surprised by joy' as something to work towards and hold on to. For a long while I thought these had to do with our big life changes and our moving to the farm. As our adoption journey continued, however, I got the feeling that joy was in fact Joy, a person, referring to our daughter. I prayed a lot for our daughter throughout our two year journey but at this time I started to pray joy over her specifically.  One Sunday morning I met up one of my besties, Ang, for breakfast and prayer. I still remember so clearly that we were sitting at the edge of the Zoo Lake, watching the ducks, and Ang was praying for Sean and I and our unknown daughter. She started praying about joy for us, joy for our daughter; JOY JOY JOY. I had not mentioned my idea that 'joy' referred to our daughter but in that moment I felt God was whispering the name 'Izabella-Joy'. And that is how Izabella-Joy got her name; Joyfully Devoted to God. And let me add, she lives up to her name in every way! Not only is she is delight and joy to us and all who meet her, but she has so much joy inside of her; a joy that bubbles up and over in her beautiful smile and sweet little laugh.

And Now:

Our beautiful Izzy

Fast forward to today, 24 June 2016. Izzy has been with us for two months and eleven days. Not once in that time have we ever doubted that this precious little girl is and always was destined to be OUR DAUGHTER. We could not love her more. I love her with every inch of my being; I loved her long before I met her.  Although bonding and attachment is a journey, there is no doubt in our minds that she knows that we are her mom and dad and that she is home, where she belongs. When Izzy smiles at Sean, he just melts. Part of this may be that she is his little girl, but I think a bigger part is that her smile means 'I trust you. I am yours and you are mine'. Our little fighter girl was born eight weeks premature, removed from the only safe space she knew for nearly 9 months, born with clubbed feet and put in casts at birth, heavily jaundiced at a few days old, moved from the hospital she was born in, to a special foster home and then moved again to our family. So in her smile and laugh, saying 'I trust you', means the world to us!

Last Thoughts:

Through this journey I have learnt so much but what is most precious to me is getting a glimpse into God's heart for adoption.  I have only seen wave after wave of His grace pour over us since Izzy came home. There is too much to mention it all but His grace has been evident in everything from the outpouring of love and emotional support, meals, celebrations and gifts to friends financially sponsoring physio appointments, pediatric physios charging next to nothing for their expertise (and so on and so on)... It is by this grace and through my love for Izzy that I feel I have caught just a little glimpse into how much God loves me (and us) as His adopted child.

Our special daughter was worth every moment of frustration; all the tears, all the waiting and all the longing. God knew each moment, He knew our daughter and He had always known that she was to be ours and we were to be hers.  I cannot wait to be able to share her beautiful face but for now, meet the feet that will fit those shoes that we had up around our house:

    

"How beautiful on the mountains are the feet of those who bring good news,

who proclaim peace, who bring good tidings, who proclaim salvation..." (Isaiah 52:7)

**If you missed my first adoption blog post and would like to read what came before this blog post you can find it at: 

http://walkervilleadventure.blogspot.co.za/2016/02/adoption-tragedy-and-privilege.html

Red pill, blue pill?

One of the primary reasons for this blog, is nothing more than a story book for our family in years to come. I mean, we all love a good story right, but what could be better than a good story, that actually happened, and you're in the cast! Well on that note, our story was beginning to sound a little bit scary at the conclusion of my previous post, and here we are, 4 months later with an update due. In true left brain fashion, please forgive me for simply copying the points from my previous post and pasted them below, along with a corresponding update...

- My work with The Hope Factory has all but dried up. To date this has covered about 60% of our living expenses

Update: What I didn't mention at the time, was that in December an old church friend of mine had popped around for a catch-up, and a couple days later we received R40k in our bank account - go figure! Other than being totally humbled and inspired by my mate's generosity, I couldn't help but marvel at how this absolutely 'out of the blue' donation carried us through the 1st 3 months of the year, with my work at the Hope Factory recommencing in April (just as the money ran out). Thank Timo and Lindsey for being Gods bankers!

- Our Sandton flat rental, which makes up another 30% of the budget, is unoccupied as i speak.

Update: I write this update with a smile on my face... Because despite being on our 3rd set of tenants in 12 months, we have never had a month without rent, which is exactly what God promised Dannean when we undertook to rent out our flat - knowing that just one month without rental income would break our budget... 

- The 10 or so family and friends who have been contributing to our budget will be closing the taps as of March

Update: This has come and gone, and we cannot thank our dear family and friends enough for supporting us like they did for the past 12 months. And although it was a little tempting when offered continued support for another year by some, we just felt that to do so would not be in a spirit of faith, but instead one of reliance. And so the R6k hole that was left in our budget has been primarily addressed through our revised 'faith' budget, which in case you were wondering, is a budget that moves from policy protection to faith prevention... Or said another way, if you believed nothing could go wrong in your life that God couldn't take care of, you wouldn't really need to insure it right. You get the picture. Included below is a pic of 3 of our donors who could make our thank you dinner - Jason & Rene Goldberg and Nicky van der Westhuizen - thank you!

To Luke & Maureen Krige, Nick & Katherine York, Grant & Mel Webber, Arnie & Chantel Swiegers, Danny & Ruth Tanser, Lorenzo & Jo Delaurentis, Elaine Dougherty, Alice & Paul Schoolman, Angie Goodrich, Tim and Lindsey Greenway - Thank you! (and we missed your dearly)

- I have not received much interest as regards funding of the motorized bicycle business, which i had hoped would be up and running by now

After JZ's finance minister fiasco, and the associated plummeting Rand a couple months back, the bicycle business was , and still is, a non starter! (Importing dollar denominated parts from China doesn't work on a weak Rand). This was sad for me, but if I'm honest about the amount of effort and energy it would have taken to start and maintain such a business, I can't help but think that God really did answer our prayers - all be it not according to our script. A personal thank you to Greg Byron for your generosity and faith in sowing into the business concept. I know God will repay you handsomely.

- Dannean is planning her 1st full year of homeschooling Tristan and Connor this year, which is obviously something she has never done before (teach yes, home-school no), and there is a great difference between the 2 we have discovered!

To our surprise and joy, home schooling thus far has been a wonderful addition. Dannean is thoroughly enjoying being a part of the boys developmental journey, and to be able to do so in these formative years, is leaving us more and more convinced of the merits thereof. How exactly she schools the 2 boys - aka the 'tsotsi's - with Izabella-Joy on her hip, remains a mystery to me, and a sure sign of super human attributes! I must add that a weekly highlight for me, is to over hear the boys taking their zulu class with Thembi (our zulu nanny), and counting to 10 in zulu as fluently as they do in english - Heibo!

- We continue to wait on Loftie, our adoption social worker, to identify an adoptable baby daughter for our family, who when she arrives (which could be anytime) will be added to the stormy waters above!

Where do I start!? Well, they say a picture says a thousand words, so I'll save you the reading with a photo (albeit a non close up, given that our little adopted princess still falls in the mandatory 90 days legal notice). Izabella-Joy (Izzy) has been with us for just over a month now, and has all of us totally smitten! We thank God for adding her to our family, which while on one hand was a journey filled with much emotion, on the other hand the manner in which our prayers were answered was honestly breathtaking! (something i'm sure Dannean will write about in her next post).

Other developments...

- I continue to explore farming possibilities, having had great fun growing and cooking a variety of our own vegetables these past 6 months. I have also recently completed a course entitled 'Farming Gods Way' with my Malawian friend Ian (he works on the farm), and hope to see how this amazing course can be more widely promoted and facilitated as a ground breaking alternative to the current farming techniques and practices in sub Saharan Africa.

- I have become involved in the leadership of the compassionate action ministry within our local church, and hope to see this facilitate real influence in meeting the endless list of needs prevailing in many of the informal settlements and communities in the south of Jo'burg. I must however add, that the meeting of these needs is without a doubt best done within the context of a personal relationship wherever possible, as where this is absent, the need remains a problem to be solved, and not a person to be loved. I was reminded of this afresh this past weekend, while celebrating with Thembi (our nanny) the arrival of electricty to her home (shack). My hope is that all our kids will grow up not knowing or caring for the difference between race, income or culture!

- Since the beginning of the year I have been involved in a little pet project set on developing a 'discipleship in a box' solution to a problem that continues to plague the church at large i believe - that problem being the challenge associated with making and releasing biblical disciples. This remains my greatest passion at present, and while it doesn't pay the bills this side of eternity (sorry babes!), i really hope it will on the other side!

On a parting note, I would say my greatest lesson since my last blog post, is that things often don't work out as expected, and therein lies a choice... One option is to exercise our right to make a plan, or solve the problem. This would seem the correct answer at face value, I mean doesn't solving problems constitute about half of our waking hours?! This is true, but I would add it depends what kind of problem it is... For example, if it's needing to change the baby's nappy or your car tyre, there's not much more to do than that. 

However, when the problem has to do with how we want life to work out, or line up with our goals and plans, that's a different story entirely. From a young age, most of us had (and continue to have) it drummed into our heads, that unless you know where you're going, and how you're going to get there, you're not going to 'make it'. The problem with this however, is that no one ever really defines what 'making it' (outside of making money), really is??

Well, here's one for the record... I can truly say, that it is by nothing other than the grace of God, that we are starting to discover what 'making it' actually is... And let me assure you, that if you had given Dannean and I my updated definition (below) on our wedding day 9 years ago, we would have both probably died of fright or laughter! (I'm not quite sure which one).

'Making it' in my opinion, is...

 - Challenging the status quo, not to be different, but to make a difference...
 - Walking away from safety where it fuels ignorance, pessimism or fear...
 - Living by faith, a faith that could cost you your salary, pension, position, reputation (basically anything more important to you than Jesus)
 - Being the change you want to see in your community / country...
 - Understanding that character is built on the journey, never at a destination...
 - Being honest to your convictions, despite what people think or say...

 - In a nutshell, Taking the red pill... (Jesus called it losing your life, so that you could find real life)

LOVE!